


i'm addicted, it's a crisis

by crusesincursive



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drugs, F/M, Harry is older than Eleanor, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, alternative universe, but - Freeform, hi i wanna add possible trigger warnings, one direction doesnt exist, they mention abuse, this is not graphic tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 23:40:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21169793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crusesincursive/pseuds/crusesincursive
Summary: The one where Eleanor loves Harry and Harry loves having fun.





	i'm addicted, it's a crisis

**Author's Note:**

> hiii! this is my first work in english i've ever written in my entire life, i hope you enjoy it :)

It’s been 5 months. 5 months since Eleanor last seen Harry. Were 5 months enough to heal a broken heart? She thought so. And if you asked her, she wouldn’t even admit she was hurt in the first place. She was fine. Why wouldn’t she be fine, right? Who would be hurt after being played for so long, the whole time knowing damn well it’s gonna end up badly? Not her. _ Definitely her. _  
  
But it’s been months, she sorta moved on, she’s been telling herself it wasn’t her fault and it's her heart that’s too big for her body. She would always try to see the best in people, help them with their problems. But Harry didn’t want any help. Harry wanted to have sex, take drugs, drink so much that he would black out. He’s been telling her he’s just having fun, he’s 19 and he’s trying to live his best life and she’s 18 and _ a bore. _ But she knew he had problems. They were close ever since she met him at 14. Harry told her all about his dad leaving his mom, and about his mom sometimes being abusive towards him, and him not being happy. And he wouldn’t ask for help. He wouldn’t even vent while being sober and it used to break Eleanor’s heart seeing Harry so drunk, so fucked up, almost sobbing about his life being shit. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to change his life, she wanted to be his motivation, his girl, the one who would fix him. But Harry remained reserved.  
  
It was after her finals when her parents decided to visit Spain for some time. And by some time they meant almost half a year. She wasn’t mad, actually she was really excited about it. Eleanor loved the beach, she loved tanning, eating fresh fruits, sipping drinks, chatting with other tourists and even flirting with some Spanish guys. She was still feeling kinda awkward while doing so, with Harry in her mind, even though she knew that while she was feeling bad about flirting with others, he was spending his nights with random girls he met at the clubs in their city. And he had the right to do that. He never promised her anything. As the next few months were passing by, Eleanor felt more and more relaxed and recharged. She was ready to go back to London and start college.  
  
Walking on the streets of London she still had this anxious feeling inside her telling her she’s going to bump into him, spot him somewhere. She didn’t know if she would came up to say "hi". Probably not. It was his decision not to be with her. His decision to keep doing things that were destroying him. And her. She hated seeing him drunk and drugged. While other girls their age thought he looked hot, in Eleanor’s eyes he would look so fragile and small. And it made her cry herself to sleep some nights, knowing it’s all just gonna stay that way. Harry didn’t want any help and he didn’t want her. Not in the way she wanted him. Luckily for her, London’s quite big, therefore the chances of bumping into Harry were rather small. And so it didn’t happen, until it happened.  
  
On the second week of college, Eleanor and a bunch of other girls, who she met at the institute, decided to go out for a girls night and have a drink or two. Sophia’s friend, Liam, was hosting a frat party and it felt like a great opportunity to go there and have some fun. Eleanor could swear Harry wasn’t on her mind anymore yet somehow she managed to tell her new friends all about their situation. Hence why they invited her to go out, grab a drink and perhaps flirt with some cuties.  
  
At 9PM they were at the right location, the frat smelled like cigarettes, weed, sweat and alcohol, which at first made Eleanor quite nauseous but she quickly forgot about it as Sophia dragged all the girls to the kitchen to prepare drinks. El didn’t need anything fancy, she grabbed a bottle of Coke and poured it into a red cup, mixing it with vodka. She didn’t want to drink too much, however she enjoyed being a little tipsy and more relaxed. One drink down and she was sitting comfortably on the couch with a bunch of other people around her age, including guys who wouldn’t take their eyes off of her. And who would blame them? Dressed up in a silky, rather short red dress and comfortable shoes, Eleanor looked absolutely stunning. Her hair was long and started to curl a little, there was a little bit of makeup on her face, covering the rosy color on her cheeks every time she noticed someone was staring at her. And that made her think – all this time she was chasing after someone unavailable while all those other people would die for a chance to take her out. She looked over at Sophia who brought her another drink, Eleanor started to think she acted like the host of the party or was just trying to make everyone drunk for whatever reason. El knew that after this drink she would stop getting any more of them. And after that second drink, she found herself in the middle of the living room, squeezed between other people dancing, with a tall blonde guy named Luke in front of her. The guy had his hands on her hips and she enjoyed it, she was moving her body to the beat of Praise The Lord by A$AP Rocky, running her fingers through her hair while looking up at the tall boy with a delicate smile on her face. Luke was also looking at her face, actually, he was staring at her plump lips with a small grin, pulling Eleanor’s body closer to him and her heart ached at the sudden thought of always wanting to be in a situation like this with Harry. But they were _ just friends. _ Eleanor could see Luke slowly leaning towards her, as her heart started beating faster, unsure of what to do. His face were inches from hers when both of them heard sudden loud and cheerful noices; it caught them off guard as both of them immediately looked in the direction everyone else was facing. _ Fuck. _  
  
"Harry! Finally! We almost thought you’d never come" said one of the boys Eleanor has never met before. Harry let out a quiet laugh and shook his head.  
  
"Me? I would never miss a party", he replies, voice sounding way too confident.  
  
Eleanor froze. Harry was looking just as handsome as the last time she had seen him, if not better. He was wearing skinny, ripped, black jeans and some basic, white t-shirt that was kinda baggy on him. His hair was slicked back, Eleanor loved his quiff as much as she loved seeing his hair being a mess on his lazy days. Out of sudden she stepped away from Luke, she didn’t want Harry to see her with another guy. On one hand she wanted to make him jealous, make him see what he’s lost. On the other hand, she wanted him to know her heart was his, _ hishishis. _ She hoped he would realize she’s the one he should be with. Actually, she didn’t want Harry to see her at all. She even considered leaving the party, but she didn’t want to disappoint her friends. She decided to go back to sitting on the couch and chatting with others, leaving Luke behind her. She didn’t care. She just wanted to stay here for one more hour and go home, she didn’t want to talk to Harry, she didn’t want him to ignore her either. So she decided to avoid him at all costs. And it went quite good, Harry wasn’t really seen in the living room, Eleanor didn’t know what he was doing and she was trying not to think about it, although deep down she knew she wanted him to come and she wanted their eyes to meet. She wanted him to know she’s here, but at the same time she didn’t. It was all too complicated.  
  
With the boy she loved deeply on her mind, she spent time cracking jokes with her girl friends, who avoided asking Eleanor about Harry attending the party, and she was thankful. She didn’t want to talk about it. She was here to have fun and not think about stupid boys. It was half past midnight when she decided to go home. She got off the couch to hug everyone and say "bye" to them, she fixed her bag on her shoulder and headed to the door, suddenly stopping after taking a few steps.  
  
"Harry? Harry, what the fuck?!", she heard and her heart started beating a little faster. Hearing his name would always make her heart race. She wanted to shake her head, roll her eyes and continue walking, but she couldn’t. Not after what she’s heard next.  
  
"Hey, someone get here, please! He’s not moving", sobbed one of the girls Harry used to hang out with, Nadine. She stepped out of the bedroom with her hand covering her mouth as she was trying not to cry, looking for help. Eleanor’s eyes widened and without thinking she rushed into the room Harry was in.  
  
"What’s going on? What happened? ", she asked immediately, looking around the room to find Harry. He was laying on his back on the side of bed, eyes closed but Eleanor could see his chest moving. That was a relief.  
  
"I don’t know… We were just drinking", Nadine said unsure, moving her body towards the door to lock them. They didn’t need strangers to see Harry like that, they didn’t want too many people in the room, they needed to focus. They weren't looking for problems either.  
  
Eleanor sat next to Harry, checked his pulse just to make sure and started gently shaking his arms to wake him up. Her heart was pounding, she was stressed, worried and her anxiety made her feel dizzy. She didn’t believe he blacked out from just drinking. He didn’t even smell that much like alcohol.  
  
"Just drinking?", Eleanor repeated, looking suspiciously at Nadine. The girl sighed.  
  
"He may have or have not taken some pills, too. But don’t you dare call the ambulance, we-"  
  
"I know, I know. I won’t call the ambulance. Fuck. Why did you let him mix drugs with alcohol? He’s ruining himself and you all are letting it happen. One day his body will just give up!", Eleanor almost shouted, her blood boiling inside her. They were all so naive and immature. How come some people are like her, fully aware of the consequences, and the others are like them? That was too much for her. "Please, bring me a bottle of water."  
  
Nadine nodded and left the room to get water, she was guessing Harry would need it after he wakes up. Even her own legs were shaking, she cared about Harry and people coming up to her while she was walking towards the kitchen were stressing her out. It wasn’t the first time Harry felt bad after taking drugs, but every time was just as scary. Eleanor started gently running her fingers through his shiny hair, her eyes watery. She hated it. She hated this situation. She hated the fact that Harry felt like he had to be high or drunk to be happy. She hated the fact that he didn’t want to ask for help. A single tear started running down her cheek and right in that moment, he slightly opened his eyes. _ Thank God. _  
  
"Holy fuck, H-", she started but couldn’t finish, ‘cause the brunet quickly stood up and rushed out of the room. "Harry!"  
  
Eleanor got up just as fast and followed him out of the bedroom. After just a few seconds she was locking the bathroom door behind them and all she could hear was Harry throwing up into the toilet. She wasn’t disgusted. She’s known him for too long, also, she was really happy his body decided to get rid of the drugs. She sighed in a relief and slowly stepped closer to Harry, squatting next to him.  
  
"Are you okay?", she asked quietly.  
  
"Do I look like I’m fucking okay?", Harry hissed through his teeth. Eleanor wasn’t surprised. He was laying unconsciously on the bed just a minute ago so she understood his bad mood. She always understood. El started to lighty rub his back as her eyes were getting more and more watery.  
  
"I- I don’t understand, Harry. I mean, I know we’ve talked about it a lot. But it doesn’t have to be this way. When will you realize that taking pills and other shit won’t make you happy?", she asked frustrated, trying to catch her breath.  
  
"How come it does, then? I’m fine", he said with annoyance, ripping a piece of toilet paper that he used to wipe his mouth. He started to stand up, flushed the toilet and was listening to what Eleanor had to say.  
  
"No. No, it doesn’t. It’s so wrong, Harry! I can’t stand it! You’re ruining yourself, you’re destroying yourself and I can’t let this happen! I can’t lose you, do you understand? You’re naive for thinking it will make things better for you, it’s a temporary feeling, look at yourself! Are you happy now?", Eleanor cried out, not knowing how to open his eyes. He was so blinded.  
  
"You don’t understand. You will never understand, Eleanor. You live in your perfect bubble, good grades, rich parents, long vacations, boys drooling all over themselves the second they look at you! I don’t have that! I have nothing! A single mother who hates me is all I have. Meaningless sex is all I have. Getting high makes me forget about it, makes me not think about it. You don’t need drugs to be happy, but I do!", he raised his voice at her while leaning against a wall. He then decided to wash his face, wanting to kill the unpleasant aftertaste left in his mouth.  
  
"How can you even say such things? All I’ve ever wanted was to make you happy and all you would do was push me away! I want to help you, Harry, I really do. Please. Let me", Eleanor sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand. "Please."  
  
Harry sighed looking at the smaller girl, who just started uncontrollably crying. He regretted snapping at her, he was just feeling so fucking bad. After a few long seconds he took a some steps towards Eleanor and lightly wrapped his arms around her. He started slowly caressing her back as she leaned into his body, shaking, crying and desperately trying to catch her breath.  
  
"I’m sorry", Harry mumbled after some time, not letting her go. And she didn’t want him to let her go. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him even tighter and grabbed the material of his plain white t-shirt in her hands.  
  
"Harry… That was so scary. I care about you so much, why can’t you see it? Am I not pretty enough? I’m not good enough for you? How come you always get handsy with all of those random girls but we never had a thing together?", she finally asked, thinking she deserved to know. What was the reason he wasn’t interested in her? She wasn’t his type? His didn’t really like her personality?  
  
Harry raised his brows hearing what she’s saying.  
  
"What?", he said. "No, Eleanor, no… Of course you’re pretty. Fuck, you’re _ gorgeous. _ And you’re asking me if you’re not good enough for me? You must be out of your mind. Eleanor, you’re too good for me. Why can’t _ you _ see that?" Harry looked down at her, still gently moving his hand on her back. "I- uh. Eleanor, I just think you deserve better. I mean, I know I don’t deserve you. You deserve someone who’s more like you, you know? Someone who also has this perfect life, _ not me. _"  
  
Eleanor frowned and stepped back to have a better look at Harry’s face.  
  
"Excuse me?", she said irritated. "What are you even trying to say? You’re not interested in me because what? Because I have a better family situation than you?"  
  
"I never said I wasn’t interested in you."  
  
Eleanor started staring at the taller guy, she could feel her cheeks getting warmer and she hoped her makeup could still cover it up.  
  
"I don’t understand."  
  
"Well, I just explained it to you. You don’t deserve… this. I can’t be with you and make you go through this shit. I am aware of how worried you are. I’m sorry. You know I don’t do it on purpose. But I don’t know how to stop it. And the thought of me not being able to be with the girl I’ve been crushing on for the longest time makes everything even worse. Also, why do you think I have to be fucked up to sleep with other girls?", Harry said slowly, not taking his eyes off of Eleanor.  
  
"Harry… But I want to go through this shit with you. I want to help you. And you have to let me. I don’t care about anything, I know we’re gonna have ups and downs. I’m ready for that. Are you..? _ Please, _ let me help you", she said looking deeply into Harry’s green eyes.  
  
His response said it all.  
  
Harry put his hands on Eleanor’s tiny waist, stepping a little closer, right before leaning towards her, with his eyes closed. She knew what was happening. And boy, was she excited. It was nothing like when Luke was trying to kiss her, she wasn’t feeling it then. But now? PleaseHarrykissme. She slightly parted her lips, also closing her eyes, and then it happened. She felt Harry’s lips pressing against hers and locking them in a kiss. This is exactly what she wanted and it felt better than she’s ever imagined. Eleanor wrapped her arms around Harry’s neck, pulling him closer to her as they continued to kiss. She could feel Harry’s hands slowly moving to her hips and she felt like he could almost hear her heartbeat. Before he could add his tongue to the kiss, she pulled away and looked at him with hope in her eyes.  
  
"What does it mean?"  
  
"Eleanor, I would lie if I said I’ve never developed feelings for you. I don’t know if we’re ready, though. I don’t know if _ you’re _ready."  
  
"Of course I am. I will help you. I will get you out of this situation. I know it will be hard, trust me. But I wanna do this for you and for us. I love you, Harry. But you have to promise me that you will try. You will quit drugs, you will at least limit drinking alcohol. I will go through it with you and I will support you. You deserve a better life."  
  
"Sorry. I always thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I felt like there was something wrong with me and I didn’t deserve good things. I’m sorry, Eleanor. This is so stupid and embarrassing. I didn’t want to push you away. I’m such an idiot." Eleanor smiled and caressed Harry’s cheek with her fingers, listening to what he’s saying. "And, what you just said… I promise. I want to get better. And, Els… I love you too. _ I always have. _"  
  
Those words were enough to make Eleanor’s eyes fill up with happy tears. She wanted to be with him. She knew she’ll do whatever it takes to make Harry feel needed and loved, she wanted to help him live a happier and healthier life. She wanted to be the one. She wanted to stay by his side. She had hope and was sure Harry is gonna get better. She was happy they met today, she was happy she finally will be able to enjoy her relationship with him. That was all both of them wanted and needed.


End file.
